The not so lucky chu

Lovelies,

Binky wants to sincerely apologise for the lack of entertainment these past few weeks. Truth be told, the sun finally made a comeback and that made Binky crave strong alcoholic beverages and a bit of sun. Always on the prowl, Binky figured the QOTSA lads were about to spend a couple of days bathing in the European sun. She was desperately hoping it would be the south of France (Binky loves a good baguette), but unfortunately she had to ship her ass over to Spain in quest of l’Homme.

It was probably karma coming back to spank what was there to spank, but Binky was left QOTSA-less and a couple hundred euros short. She did not spot THE man, not even the drummer and was left sad and depressed for the last week.

But this is nothing but a push forward, for Binky is a strong woman, not ready to let it go when it gets tough and things don’t go her way. Stalking was surely not the answer, fashion advice might pave the way to a much awaited encounter.

This being said, Binky is happy to be back, the sun is still shining, and we’re all hoping that you’re drinking responsibly.

There will never be a Troy Van Leeuwen groupie story

Reporter: Now that we know all about Josh, can you, Troy, reveal to us a groupie story?

Troy Van Leeuwen looked condescendingly above his sunglasses at the young unexperienced reporter.

Troy: Puh-lease, I am the man in a suit and tie. In all seriousness, I do NOT have groupies. They are called musæ.

Josh slapped his thigh in a paroxysm of amusement.

Troy (arranging his tie): Not even muses. Definitely musæ.

Why Queens of the Stone Age never plays Fairweather Friends

Right before …Like Clockwork came out, there was a bit of restlesness in the otherwise cosiness and hom(m)ey feel back at the Pink Duck Studios. During the band’s final rehearsals before heading out to conquer the world with the new record, Fairweather Friends was being practiced.

But that piano part Elton John has always seemed like a hard nut to crack for Joshua Homme. He rocks the hell out of guitars, he can kick those drums like they own him money, but when it comes to the fragile piano… let’s just say it’s a wonder he can hit those precious notes in The Vampyre of Time and Memory.

During yet another floppy trial, Josh Homme suddenly stopped in the middle of the song and stared directly at an imaginary point right across the room, crankily saying:

– Will the REAL Elton John please stand up? I repeat… will the real Elton John stand the fuck up?

Dean Fertita cleverly replied:

– C’mon, Joshua. Don’t talk like that. You know you should address him with ‘sir’.

Dear Jon

I noticed you have a thing for tank tops. I get it. I embrace it. With a body like yours, who wouldn’t?

I like the way you embrace color, you play with it. I can only assume it gets tough in wintertime. I bet you hate winter, huh? You and the other hunk are the sun’s children, although he wears a winter coat like he wears his tail (grace, class, you name it).

Jon, I have a suggestion for you. Two actually. If I may, because I am well aware that we are not friends. We will be one day, just give it time.

First, you have to buy and wear this.

Festival season is well under way and Europe basks in a sea of insecure weather. But you’re drumming your way through all of that, so this is just perfect.

Secondly, if I may, loose the armpit hair. Nobody expects you to shun it like an Amish mother shuns her sex-driven children, but do something. Trim it, reduce its size. I cannot and will not begin to tell you about the advantages. I will tell you this: girls will appreciate it.

Love,

Binky

The curiosity behind Michael Shuman’s haircut

Reporter: So, Mike, you have a new haircut. It looks kinda… Skrillex.
Mikey Shoes: Yeah, it’s…
Reporter: Skrillex-ish. If you don’t mind me saying.
Mikey Shoes: No, really, it’s fine. You’re right. Actually, it’s a tribute haircut.

(Band members laughing)

Reporter: Oh, is that so?
Mikey Shoes: Yes. As a matter of fact, I think about Skrillex’s music many times. Each time I eat deviled eggs.
Reporter: …
Mikey Shoes: Yeah. The sound of my stomach after eating that stuff reminds me of his music. I’m also allergic to eggs.

Comparison

Inspired by an interview I can’t find, but it doesn’t matter. Made based on a pic I don’t know the source of, but it doesn’t matter. Everybody loves comparing, and that’s all that matters.

Hankie hankie on the wall…

Gerda attended her first  Queens of the Stone Age  concert at the Norwegian Wood Festival in Oslo back in 2008.

She had travelled from Munich in hopes of meeting Joshua Homme. A series of fortunate events led her to fulfill that dream a few minutes after the show ended, managing not only to have her picture taken with Joshua, but also putting her hands on his bodily fluids. While for many of us mortals a mere paper tissue is … well… just that, Gerda jumped at the opportunity to literally get her hands on Joshua’s snot. She picked up the used tissue and safely put it in her wallet, promising to cherish it until her very last breath.

She had managed to do just that until last year when her mother accidentally put her coat in the washing machine, not checking the interior pocket where the walled was safely stored. By the time Gerda learned about her mother’s sacrilege, it was already too late.

Her German blood and upbringing prevented her from shedding any tears whatsoever and instead pushed her towards obtaining a new one. It is why Gerda emptied her bank account and travelled the world, following the Queens of the Stone Age.

Joshua might have laughed at the girl who followed him around and asked him to marry her, but he was absolutely freaked out when after every show for the past year this girl would come up to him and ask for a used paper tissue of his.

Sharing time slots at Glastonbury

Glastonbury reporter: This year, your band is sharing a time slot with Jay-Z here, at Glastonbury. Does the fact that you’re playing at the same time worry you?
Joshua Homme (scratching his head): Uhm, well, you know… we’ve got 99 problems, but Jay-Z ain’t one.

The virgin diaries

Mona Lott facepalmed herself real hard in amazement, after reading that Josh Homme lost his virginity at the early age of 13.

Because she couldn’t stop yappin’ about the subject, her dear friend, E. Norma Stits puzzled her even more with her rhetorics: “I’m 150% sure that no QOTSA member was even born a virgin”.

Backstage at the Queens of the Stone Age concert in Roskilde

It was the last gig of the tour before a well-deserved one week break in Spain. The show at Roskilde was about to begin. Sun was shining, fans aligning, sound engineers seeing the silver lining… well now, who said a Queens of the Stone Age gig wouldn’t make you a poet?

Backstage, the band was preparing as well. Troy – rearranging his tie, Mike and Dean – popping their joints, and Jon… well, Jon was busy air drumming. All alone in a corner, mysterious sunglasses on and everything, Josh Homme was blowing smoke rings out of his mouth. He finally laid his unseen eyes upon a freakishly large and ugly roach. The monster was climbing up the wall Josh had been laying against.

Calmly and without even moving, Josh said:

– I guess we’re all the devil’s little creatures. You remind me of home. In the desert, people see some of your even weirder brothers and sisters and just wanna leave. They wanna head out into civilization. But not me… I embrace it.

The roach took a few more steps and moved his large antennas.

– You don’t seem impressed. Well then, do you know the difference between a Tele and a Strat? Of course you don’t… God, you’re so ignorant sometimes, I swear. Lemme put it in simple words for you. So, thing is…

In the middle of what seemed to be a one man conversation, Jon Theodore showed up. He obviously wasn’t familiar with Josh’s strange yet funny ways.

– Alright, man, let’s go on stage. Are you… talking to a cockroach?
– Of course. It’s not like I’m insane, to fuckin’ talk to myself… This is not a derpy Tom Hanks movie, muttered Josh grumpily, underlining the obvious. But I sure as hell found my Wilson…

Josh politely saluted the roach, raising the metal horns to the creature. Then he went on stage.